YOUR New York Knickerbockers get: An Andrea Bargnani Turd Sandwich
Toronto Raptors get: Steve Novak, Marcus Camby, and other pieces TBD (latest word is that it’s at least going to be the Knicks’ 2016 1st round pick, as well as two 2nd round picks).
New York has agreed in principle to acquire the #1 overall pick of the 2006 NBA Draft, a man who stands 7 feet tall, weighs 256 pounds, and is in shooting range once he enters the arena. “Il Mago” has an offensive repertoire that is prime for a 20-point scorer on any given night. He can space the floor for Carmelo Anthony and can prove to be a matchup problem for the defense.
In basketball, and in life, we evaluate everything with specifics. I chose a work commute that was approximately 7.89 minutes faster than the alternatives. People debunked (relatively) the financial advantage Dwight Howard would get in Los Angeles by crunching the numbers on how much he would save by playing in state tax-free Texas. And aside from the height and weight measurements I gave you on The Andrea Bargnani Turd Sandwich, the paragraph above mostly had to do with generalities. Generalities are what we fall back on when we can’t give specifics. If your per-36 numbers don’t jump off the page, then you still have a roster spot because of your potential. If your rebound rate is anemic, it’s because you play with glass monsters.
I briefly caught myself rationalizing the decision to enter into the Bargnani era by thinking that he just needed a change of scenery. I reminisced about the last time an Italian-born basketball player won over the heart of the city with a dazzling array of long distance buckets and international pizzazz.
And then I came back to Earth, aka the Internet, savior of reality. Bargnani shot a shade under 40% from the field last year; the percentage dropping every year since his career high of 47 in 2010. He’s only been a true marksman behind the arc in one season, 2009, which was four freaking years ago. Quick, name something you did four years ago. The negatives around this dude are endless. Someone on Youtube actually created a series of clips called “this is why Bargnani sucks.”
Andrea Bargnani is the opposite of a tough-minded basketball-hungry warrior. He missed 45 games last year with what was called an “avulsion sprain in his right elbow,” in favor of the more harsh “I just don’t care anymore.” Maybe he’s nicknamed Il Mago because the guys he guards make him disappear. And to top it off, he’ll be owed $23 million over the next two years. The superstar-slate of today’s NBA has taught us that you can win with minimum salary bench guys alongside maximum salary headliners, so clearly the move was to combine those two concepts by acquiring an expensive player who belongs on the bench.
I like that the Knicks get out of the Novak and Camby deals (owed about $20 over the next three years combined), and that Bargnani’s only 27 years old. The 2016 pick, we hope, may also be inconsequential if the Knicks continue to make the playoffs. But you can dress up a turd sandwich with a gallon of chipotle mayo; in the end, you’re still letting someone take a dump in your mouth.
Well when you can have 2 PFs who can't play D, rebound, go anywhere near the post anymore and cost $33 million, you have to do it.
— The Great Mambino (@TheGreatMambino) June 30, 2013