About 10 years ago, Triple H was in the midst of one of the longest reigns in modern WWE/F history. After beating Shawn Michaels in December 2002, Hunter would hold the World Heavyweight Championship for the next 280 days. It’s still tied for the fifth longest reign of the past twenty years, only surpassed by CM Punk, John Cena (twice) and Batista (by two days).
What makes this reign even more remarkable is that before Michaels’s short 28 day reign at the top, Triple H had another 76 day stop as the champion. Thus, with only a four week break, Hunter Hearst Helmsley had been champion for 356 days. Meaning of course, the same hulking ex-member of D-Generation X was soaking up nearly a quarter of a two hour television show each and every week for almost a year. It was impressive. It was unstoppable.
It was absolutely interminable.
Though he had been back in action for almost a year and a half following a completely torn quadriceps muscle, it seemed obvious to everyone that was watching that Triple H wasn’t the same wrestler he was before the injury. His mobility, athleticism and quickness were noticeably affected, which was only compounded by an even more noticeable 20 to 30 pounds of muscle Hunter had put on while rehabbing his injury. Looking like the Ultimate Warrior but moving like Paul Heyman wasn’t helping his ring work, as his matches had fallen far from his 2000-2001 peak when it seemed like there wasn’t a wrestler out there that Triple H couldn’t drag to a five star opus. They were slow, plodding affairs that were nearly as excruciating and formulaic as the last slow-motion feud he was in. The equation seemed the same every month: big, strong wrestler X would challenge Hunter, verbally spar for weeks and ultimately get crushed in a match akin to two monster trucks running into one another for 25 minutes. It’s perversely entertaining at first, but after five minutes, you’ll need a cotton candy. Or a valium. Or both. … Read more...
Brock Lesnar is done as a MMA fighter. His UFC career was limited to a handful of matches (8 official bouts to be exact), in which his meteoric rise was strangely counterbalanced with an almost anonymous fall from grace. In a strange brew of bizarre injuries and generally being a supreme asshole, Lesnar retired from his third sport, four if you count the wonderful world of sports entertainment. Brock Lesnar is 35 years old.
His Wrestlemania and now Extreme Rules opponent Triple H has seen a similar fade into off-screen anonymity, though for the real-life Paul Levesque, he’s never been more invested in the professional wrestling business. Married to the daughter of the WWE Alpha and Omega Vincent K. McMahon, Triple H now represents one part of the Holy Trinity behind the world’s leader in sports entertainment. He has a legitimate role running the everyday operations of the company, even going so far as to cut his legendary locks that made him look like a cross between Clay Matthews and Saul Goodman. Hunter is semi-retired from the in-ring competition, only participating in four matches over the past 12 months. Paul Levesque is 43 years old.
The match proceeding Hunter and Brock’s featured the legendary Undertaker. Mark Calloway, as he’s known to his friends and anyone that wants to get their ass kicked, just embarked on his 24th year cashing in a check penned by Vince McMahon. He’s played the part of a cartoonish “Dead Man” for a significant portion of his adult life, tweaking his character by adding nuances as small as MMA-style fighting gloves and as substantial as riding a motorcycle to the ring while shaming the WWE audience into cheering during Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit theme music. Taker has been a consistent main event player since his inception during the November 1990 Survivor Series, staying relevant long after all his contemporaries charge $10 for a picture at a Philadelphia Comic Con. As he’s aged well into his 40s, Calloway has become more and more the Dead Man than ever before, now needing no makeup to accentuate his naturally sunken eyes and sharply gaunt cheekbones. The Undertaker is 48 years old.
The Rock continued his sporadic two year return to the company jettisoned him into mainstream superstardom with a WWE Championship matchup with John Cena. Is it counter-intuitive to think that as Dwayne Johnson moves further away from the daily grind of the highly physical life of a professional wrestler that he’d actually get into better shape? Now equipped with more money than any of his sports entertainment brethren, Rocky is has been blessed with the best trainers, personal chefs and fitness consultants he can buy. For a man of his age, Johnson is in tremendous physical shape, so much so that he was emboldened to come back to the WWE after not wrestling a match for six years. The Rock is 41 years old.
Throughout all their journeys out of and back into the WWE ring, these four legendary wrestlers—some moreso than others—have one way or another managed to stay within the fan base’s consciousness long enough to take four of the six spots in the three most bankable matches at the biggest pay-per-view of the year. The Wrestlemania main event picture is a complicated formula, with the Holy Trinity deciding on matches based on criteria varying from how it could elevate an unknown wrestler, to how much mainstream attention the match will create to how badly the weekly watching WWE Zombieverse wants that particular bout. Seeing as the McMahons put over 80,000 fans in stadium seats on … Read more...
Wrestlemania 29 is officially in the record books. It’s time to sit back, ignore your office work and reflect back on last night’s event. Yours truly went 7 for 8 on his Wrestlemania predictions…and the one outcome I got incorrect saw Ryback standing tall with his music playing after the match was over. Even though the PPV as a whole was predictable, did the Granddaddy of them all deliver? Depends on who you ask. Despite taking zero chances and booking in the laziest, safest way possible, Wrestlemania 29 was still a pretty good show. Not great, but it definitely had it’s moments. Below are my comments on the event, and some live commentary from KOBEsh, who was in attendance last night.
(note: I arrived at my Wrestlemania watching destination just as the Miz/Barrett match was ending so I will not be reviewing that match. The Miz won. Joy.)… Read more...
Welcome to part 2 of this year’s Wrestlemania preview. In yesterday’s column KOBEsh and I broke down the undercard. Today, we tackle the main events. Some complaints have been made that the outcomes seem far too determined. We’ll continue to address the predicted outcomes as well as what might be a better direction to take. Without further adieu, let’s get at this thing.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Swagger (World Heavyweight Championship)
Why does Del Rio retain?
The Raw Librarian: Finally, what we’ve all been waiting to see. A millionaire Mexican aristocrat cheerleading for America against a Kurt Angle rip-off and his Uncle who holds Tea Party meetings in his basement. In all honesty I am the more excited about this match than any of the others if only for the fact that there is some unpredictability in the outcome.
Depending on where this match gets placed on the card will determine the finish as well. Another factor in this match is Jack Swagger’s real life DUI and possession of marijuana arrest that has seemingly gone unpunished. That’s a slightly different reaction than when the SAME EXACT thing happened to Rob Van Dam in 2007 and he was forced to abandon two titles and was suspended for 30 days. If it wasn’t for Swagger’s DUI, I’d say there was a pretty decent chance he would have won the title. But I think that would send the wrong message to the locker room, therefore I don’t see it happening.
Why does Swagger go over?
KOBEsh: MAMBINO’s resident librarian and Philadelphia’s own is obviously still seething because ECW alumni Rob Van Dam was thrown deep, deep into the doghouse for a pot bust (and never recovered), while Swagger has gone largely unpunished.
That being said, Swagger’s ascent has been so strong and rapid that I find it hard to believe that the WWE would simply Heisman his progress when it feels the natural ending point would be a title win at Wrestlemania. I’ve never been a fan of Jack’s, but he’s always been a decent ring technician (but not necessarily a great pro wrestling storyteller, ya dig?) and that lisp simply kills any momentum his physicality gives him. However, with Zeb Coulter and an extremely controversial anti-immigration gimmick, Swagger’s character has been stronger than I’ve ever thought possible. He’s riding such a hot button issue right now and to the chagrin of the non-believers, has been getting insane heat. The WWE has bet big on Swagger thus far–I don’t see any reason why they don’t just go all-in.
(Yesterday, The Raw Librarian and I covered several different prospective main events that could headline Wrestlemania XXIX, emanating live from MetLife Stadium in New Jersey on April 7th, 2013. We’re both so fired up that new pants are entirely in order. Check out Part 1 right here)
Most Likely Match and Best Match For Business
KOBEsh: We covered this largely in our John Cena section yesterday, but it’s clear that Rock-Cena II is going to be in the cards. The only factor that’s somewhat murky is what the stipulations are going to be for the match itself. Will it be for the title? Will it be fought under the pretenses of No Holds Barred? Will there be a Special Guest Referee? Does any of that matter?
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE. This match is going to blow the figurative roof off of MetLife Stadium.
TRL: The Rock vs HBK Shawn Michaels
These two had real life animosity going back to the Kliq days. HBK was aware of how over the Rock was getting and knew it meant bad things for his real life best friend HHH. He gave a shoot promo or two where he talked about “the Rock always trying to steal the spotlight from Hunter.” IF this match were to happen, it’d have a solid backstory beyond two of the greatest ever going toe-to-toe.
This match will never happen. Neither men are interested (especially the retired HBK) and the WWE wouldn’t want to blow all this money getting the Rock to wrestle again knowing that there are bigger bouts out there (i.e. Cena-Rock).
Most Likely Match
TRL: Ryback vs. The Shield
Whether it’s in tag team format or Ryback vs Dean Ambrose with Roman Reigns as enforcer, everything points to Ryback being involved with the Shield at ‘Mania. I don’t see any other obvious matches right now. I like Ryback, but I like the Shield a heck of a lot more. I need to praise WWE creative for some rare long-term booking and development here. They have yet to screw up any of these young performers. Look for these men to be involved in a match together in some capacity.
KOBEsh: Ryback vs. Big Show
Until I went and saw for myself in person, I couldn’t discern on television whether or not Ryback’s ascent to the main event picture was more manufactured than it was actual fan sentiment. It seemed to me that the volume was turned up all around the former Ryan Reeves in nearly every segment he was featured in. His music blared so loud that it obscured how much fans actually were applauding for him. When he threw smaller men around the ring, they landed with such force that the actual buckling of the squared circle elicited a reaction from the crowd, but more in the vein of awe than affection. As he chanted “Feed Me More”, the audience of course chanted along with him, but as CM Punk echoed this past Monday on Raw, the WWE fan base are like trained dogs–they’ll chant just about anything as long as it’s delivered to them with the same measured vocal pacing. Did people actually like Ryback? Or was the audio emanating from and around him manufacturing his hype as much as the WWE could muster?
After watching the man fight The Shield in a TLC match in Brooklyn, I can attest that Ryback is more than hype. He’s the real deal Holyfield. The crowd eats him up, as if “Feed Me More” becomes more than just an infectious catchphrase. He’s physically imposing, brutal and pure charisma. He made a believer out of this jaded fan.
That all being said, Ryback’s strengths are best shown not as actual fe… Read more...
Much to the chagrin of some of you snobs, the average hardcore WWE fan isn’t that much different than your average American professional sports fan. Clean up, vomit spill on aisle Que-Ese.
There’s just a certain level of particular, isolted psychosis you have to have to follow a sport, or in my case sports entertainment, with enough fervor that you could call yourself something more than just “avid”. There’s the casual observer, who just likes to be momentarily entertained with movement on the screen and the occasional thrill associated with the clock winding down.
We are not those people. The hardcore sports fan knows the type of minutae usually reserved for people pacing busily in sanitariums, reciting that Piazza had a 1.012 OPS in his 2000 season, and that Pete Rose had 3,358 hits…just as a Red.
The WWE fan knows that the Iron Sheik surprisingly beat the World Champion Bob Backlund in 1983, only to lose the title to young superstar Hulk Hogan in January of 1984. Recalling ridiculous facts like John Cena has been champion 11 times, and yet the combined days with the strap don’t add up to Bruno Sammartino’s first reign back in the 60’s and 70’s. Knowing that Wrestlemania took place in New York, LA, Chicago, New York, Detroit, Atlantic City, Toronto, LA, Indianapolis, Las Vegas and New York again for the first 10 editions.
I am a crazy WWE fan. And I just summoned all that information up by pure memory.
So as you can see, we have a lot in common with the average MLB, NBA, NFL or NHL aficionado. We memorize our stats, whether they’re manufactured or not, take mental photographs of the great moments and idolize those that best exemplify greatness.
John Cena and the Rock are two of those legendary figures that resemble the Alex Rodriguez and Cal Ripken of their sport. Just like in baseball or basketball, there’s constantly the comparisons of who had the better career, the more dominant title reigns, could talk the best trash or in a fantasy situation, who could beat who. Fans love to pit favorite against favorite, regardless of if they fought in a different era with completely different styles in completely different circumstances. It’s just the way the sports world works. Just as basketball historians would define this era as LeBron’s, or the one before it as Kobe’s, and Jordan before him, and so forth and so forth, WWE historians (…nerds like you and me), do the very same obsessive matching game.
Hulk Hogan, the alpha dog of the 1980’s, was the first professional wrestler in Vince McMahons’ now national World Wrestling Federation to break out into the mainstream American media. His reign, title or no title, lasted throughout the early nineties, when Vince decided to go in a different direction with a young Canadian star named Bret Hart. Bret’s time came and went, and infamously passed the torch (unwillingly) to Shawn Michaels. After Michaels, the “Attitude” era was born, with Stone Cold Steve Austin being the first man to break in the new, edgier WWF. But as Austin’s body broke down, the first colored face to ascend the mountain was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Rocky remained at the top of the WWF card for a couple years, but before Hollywood came calling, a couple men tried to break through to the mainstream much like Hogan and the Rock did, but with so little success. That is, until John Cena became the top draw in the company.
I gave this little history lesson because with a couple i… Read more...
THE VERY BEST FROM VINCE’S LOINS