Location: Laredo, Texas
Announcers: Michael Cole, Jerry “The King” Lawler
Guest General Manager: Teddy Long (Ugh this outta be good)
Cena/Bryan/Punk/Jericho/Kane/Big Show in ring segment
Welcome to the 997th episode of RAW. It kicked off like any self respecting RAW should, with John Cena coming down the ramp to cut an electrifying promo. The other day I realized that John Cena is responsible for some of my favorite WWE moments over the past few years. To be honest, I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.
1. Rob Van Dam vs John Cena One Night Stand 2006
2. CM Punk vs John Cena Money in the Bank 2011
3. Brock Lesnar vs John Cena Extreme Rules 2012
Say what you want about his wrestling ability, but he plays a hell of a foil.
Back to RAW action. Cena does his shtick for a while until Daniel Bryan minus ring entrance music interrupts. Everyone’s been trying to get their Daniel Bryan on recently, even Ohio representative “Mean” Jean Schmidt. Bryan gets meta with us and lets the audience know that he and John Cena have nothing in common, unless of course Bryan wins the title and Cena wins the Money in the Bank ladder match.
CM Punk interjects. Gets the crowd involved with all the Yes! chants.
Chris Jericho feels left out so he hit the ring. Classic Jericho ensued welcoming us all to “RAW is Jericho” as well as asking Bryan to kindly “shut the hell up.” Also, after tonight, none of the competitors will never eeeeeever be the same again apparently. That man knows how to sell a t-shirt.
Kane gets involved, followed by an…insightful Jerry Lawler comment? “Not a lot of catchphrases for this guy, but a lot of victories.” Congratulations King, that was the first time I haven’t wanted to strangle you on commentary since 1999.
“Welllll it’s the Big Show!” After Big Show’s music hits, all of the competitors in the ring start a full out brawl.
Quick Money in the Bank prediction: Cena wins the RAW Money in the Bank match, challenges CM Punk to a match at Summerslam, becoming the first person to use the Money in the Bank contract honorably since Rob Van Dam 6 years ago. And he will be the first person to not win the championship when cashing in the contract. It has to happen sometime and Cena’s big enough and at the point where he does not need the title to be over.
Rhodes/Otunga, Titus O’Neill, and Darren Young vs Christian, Santino Marella, R-Truth, Kofi
|RAW is NAMBLA|
This match was alright until it completely broke down and Titus and Young left the ring. I’m not a fan of the Prime Time players just leaving match ups. It’s a stupid gimmick that makes them look weak. These guys should be pushed as viable challengers to the Tag Team titles.
As I said, they leave and are soon followed by Cody Rhodes, leaving only Otunga in the ring to fight 4 guys.
To make the odds even worse Brodus Clay comes out and throws Otunga back in the ring. Why would that not result in a disqualification? Either way that leads to: sock puppet, killswitch, victory, grown men dancing with children.
Alberto Del Rio vs Sin Cara
So Sin Cara was Teddy Long’s surprise? Talk about anticlimactic. Good Lord, I hope that man never throws me a surprise party. A real surprise would have been a Rey Mysterio Jr. return, fresh off suspension.
Crowd chants “culero” at Alberto Del Rio, which is Spanish for…umm something … Read more...